Towards happy marriage (3): The roles of Islamic Psychology and Counseling in preventing divorce.

By
IMADODIN
BASAR
DIMAO

Islamic Psychology, really?! Yes, you hear it right. In fact, there is no single aspect in life but Islam has already dealt with it. Before I start this write-up, I want to shed light on a misconception I believe it has to be addressed mindfully: That is to not accommodate the importance of emerging knowledge and discoveries through the years of studies that are mostly from the west for us being Muslim. Therefore, we have seen: we are already far left behind compared to others and still getting farther backward.

But of course, we understand there should not be any room for innovation or Bid’ah when it comes to religious practices or Iba’da’t and belief under any circumstances; it rather should be in accordance with how they were performed and applied by the prophet Mohammed (Peace Be Upon Him) and his companions, or the so-called in Shariah lexicon as Tawqifiyyah, meaning it has to be on prophetic way of practices – the nature of Iba’da’t – in which every Muslim is critically advised to learn and follow.

However, pardon me to say that on the contrary, it’s not the case for life because we ought to innovate and discover new things and stuff toward betterment every single day emotionally, physically, and socially in which we should adapt what life brings to us to make sure we are on the track. Unfortunately, some are still or even fighting so hard for the principles and perceptions in the name of religion that were produced decades ago, and they are obviously no longer relevant in our time though they were from scholars of the specific eras, because our world is quite far from theirs then.

It’s therefore necessary for us to understand that to foresee the consequences of the matter we are going to commit is considered an effective remedy itself rather than to have remorse that will be internally part of our life – it might awaken us in the middle of the night out of conscience simply because it was taken for granted or messed up. That said, I would like to share some negative effects of Divorce once it’s finalized categorically. By the way, we have to keep in mind that the main purpose of learning and education is to either discern whatever is beneficial to us or to avoid those that may affect our well-being. 

To  society

We know that the strength of the foundation of every society depends on the resilience of every family wherein the future is expected to come out – the young generation. A healthy family that revolves around Islamic teachings and principles understands its proportional contribution to the building of a great nation in general, so does the rest of every family. Imagine a small stone in the middle of rocks sounded and formed a mineral spring – providing refreshing water to the people – thought it needed not be there concerning its small size, so decided to find a way and left, and thus a small piece of leakage existed that destroyed the whole spring at the end.

If that was the case, how far the pressing situation of countless divorces can tear us apart and degrade the progress of our dying society of so many other issues. Is it because of our growing numbers or side-by-side mosques and mada’ris?! I don’t think so as Islam promotes peace and unity.

To brotherhood or kinship

We Bangsamoro are one of the richest people in preserving our identity wherein our ancestors have historically sacrificed their lives to protect it, and some believed that it is the meaning and soul of Moro in us – no regret, no surrender. Although I’m not in favor of excessive tarps by any means, I still believe that it is out of pride – a pride that connotes positive outlooks, not the one Satanic way to us – whenever one of our bloodlines has reached a milestone in life. Unfortunately, here comes the divorce that will disband all of these piece by piece.

To the spouse

Yes, it’s logically accepted that some couples might end in separation as the last recourse for the benefit of both when the wisdom of marriage is no longer attainable and after having exhausted all possible means for reconciliation. However, its negative effects for both parties are beyond our imagination. It’s a twofold outcome that they might lose to appreciate the affection of every successful marriage for the rest of life: the moment that there is someone that openly accepts us while everyone else closes the door for us. Or they might get nearer to the flames of malicious gossip in the eyes of Shariah that are usually prevented by the strength and power of our faith and fear of Allah or the Taqwa. In fact, there is no protection in temptations, and no one is immune from it without the presence of our Deen that encourages capable men to get married.

And to the children

Finally, one of the effective remedy for separation is get involved the affairs-would-be of the children in their post-divorce life, because they are the collateral of devious consequences that may have negative impact on them, their academic performance compared to their classmates, and the wrong perceptions it might be insinuated in them that could lead them to misunderstand the real purpose of life being so young and too weak to withstand the burden in partaking the hardest situations they are not supposed to experience and to live in the shadow of incompleteness. We should always remember that when man and woman get married, the missing half of their life or religion is completed or even perfected, and when the children are created, the whole Ummah are therefore given the chance to see the light out of darkness being propelled by relentless actions illegally committed for a longer period of time.

I sincerely pray to the Almighty Allah that this humble piece serves accordingly one of the purposes of our Deen or the religion which is counseling when the Prophet (PBUH) said: The religion is COUNSELING.

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