“And (it is one) of His signs that He has created spouses for you from your own species that you may find comfort in them. And He has induced mutual love and tenderness between you. Behold! There are signs in this for people who would reflect.” Qur’an, 30:21
This verse implies when man and woman were still single, both were somehow in complicated status especially for those who were capable but chose to remain bachelors without valid reasons. Because the Almighty Allah has characterized that the home we know is not enough to provide us with tranquility, but it’s in our wives or spouses in general.
I’m afraid the passion of Mawaddah and Rahmah or Love and Mercy can’t be appreciated fairly unless it’s read and studied in its origil Arabic contexts through old and modern books of Tafseer or Qur’an interpretation and other Islamic books in Arabic, which I believe all of Muslim scholars – speaking and understanding Arabic – would agree with me. For instance, love can be fake and a matter of flame that doesn’t stay longer, whereas Mawaddah is lifetime and true. And that is why a man can somehow unlove his partner and even his son for a reason but couldn’t hurt them physically or verbally because of Mawaddah. And then there is mercy; in short, the secret behind ideal marriage in Islam is based and tied-up with love and compassion to hold out against ups and downs and roller coaster ride of life.
So, how are Love and Mercy attained and kept in Marriage?
Have a good intention
In every religious practice and good deed, it will last and be accepted only through intention that it’s solely for the sake of Allah alone. As a Muslim, spouses should do their respective parts seeking for the pleasure of Allah other than anything else, and that where blissful relationship is firmly based on; precisely because whoever attached to Him will be safeguarded eternaly. He has the absolute power to make anything possible.
It’s common for us, Mranaw to be specific – I believe – that we think Marriage is the end point of exploring the beauty of life; it might be because of our upbringing that you are done once you get married, whereas life brings us limitless chances and opportunities to learn new things every single day. It allows us to revisit those mistakes committed intentionally or not for us to get better or gain lessons at least – a single mistake can shape you into a successful one eventually if you could use it to lock yourself up not to commit the same ever again.
Limit show off
It’s necessary to understand that personal issues should be kept and preserved from the world of Social Media as it has addiction that enslaves one’s mind and well-being when the limit is crossed based on individual, spiritual, and psychological capability that is hard to resist because of FOMO factor or the so-called “Fear of Missing Out” anxiety. How many romantic photos of couples online that are ironically going through in real life. However, don’t get me wrong, please! You are free to share your achievements on Facebook for instance, or it’s even recommended to do so within the limit to inspire others. But not your personal life; it’s too sacred and private to show it off. You are not a celebrity, not at all! Else, you will be drowned in the deepest sea of Social Media.
Focus on bigger thing in life
This is mostly for our sisters in Islam. You know what is meant. Don’t invest your precious time SPYING your husbands because of the privilege given to them by Allah, the exalted. He knows everything, but you do nothing, not us men. You should rather trust His wisdom; everything happens only according to His will. This world has two faces: the bright side and the dark one, so FOCUS on the brighter side.
Being a man is molded with responsibility, and your first duty is your family: your wife and your children. You are commanded by Allah to SAVE yourself and your family from the hellfire. You have to teach them that religion is above everything else; not your wealth, yourself, and your loved ones. If you want your family to be successful, let the teaching of ISLAM reign over them, and be a role model in practicing Islam.
When prophet Ismael grew up and had a first family, Prophet Abraham, his father, had checked on his son’s life and asked his wife about their life, and the responses were filled with negativity, and therefore Prophet Ibrahim asked to tell her husband when he’s back that there’s old man ordering him to change his doorstep – it’s euphemism to divorce her – for being so pessimist
It’s healthy for a couple to date exclusively at specific times to bring back their early days or to celebrate something special or just to talk in places with exceptional ambiance. But there’s better and yet so economic than that: PRAY together. It’s a moment that lets you surrender and get you closer, so closer to the real Protector, the Almighty One. The uniqueness of this ignored practice is that it will inspire every husband to learn how to read the Quran however his professional affiliation, so that he can lead his family in Prayer.
Imad Dimao +63 926-478-8548