Towards Happy Marriage (5): Love and Compassion or Mawaddah wa Rahmah – Part 2

By
IMADODIN
BASAR
DIMAO

Don’t compare yourself to anyone

We have occasionally heard the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence ever since – this is the nature in every human being that may either push him toward progressive life in all aspects or may cause insecurity to others and to himself alike. Indeed, everyone’s life is unique, and so are couples. The habit of comparing yourself to others causes unpleasant feelings to us and might even affect our fondness for our loved ones. In the same way, nobody wants to experience the difficulties, not even those who are handling the most difficult jobs had they controlled the directions of life. None in this world is either given everything he wants. Remember Jeff Bezos and his wife, MacKenzie ended in Divorce when they became the richest couples in the world in 2019. However, this doesn’t critically mean that you have nothing to do but to wait for the blessings from the sky. Believe me our needs will not rain on us; we have to sweat enough to earn them. 

There is no perfect relationship

Yes, there is no “perfection” in a relationship, and it’s synonymous with impossible in this specific issue – half of the marriage is filled with challenges and mazes. What is therefore expected is, for couples, to orchestrate the future according to their desired goal and to get influenced by each other that could muster workable teamwork wherein the success of the family depends upon. Misunderstanding is part of a relationship basically because you are from different backgrounds and meant for divergent purposes and fates. Married life is a day-to-day experiment, so couples have to work regularly for the welfare of the family heading in the right direction. If someone is expecting a flawless outcome, it instead causes frustrations in the end, given that life is full of uncertainties and surprises, and so the marriage specifically. That being said, couples have to buckle up and get ready to face the endless trials that are destined to happen along the way. In every challenge survived is real happiness and harmony that forms an ideal union a struggling society like ours needs dearly to get healed.

Avoid WHATIF

The danger of whatif to us is what virus to the system of the computer; it awakens our mindsets while we are already in the middle of the humpy and bumpy road of married life in which unfortunate situations and endless frustrations are regularly along the way to surprise us and to test our resilience and sturdiness. Living in the shadow of whatif burns gradually our unparalleled affection for our spouses and starts to create doubt in us that may lead the man to think about the counterproductive solution – to search for temporary relief in different places where there’s no way out once committed at the expense of the innocent family. 

Choose the religious woman, for you will be blessed

This is the parameter for a man while looking for his better half, a real comrade for better or worse. Prophet Mohammed (Peace Be Upon Him) has advised us to select a religious one: “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed.” The wisdom of this noble Hadeeth implies the significant role of religion on successful marriage. A pious wife understands its limit though she is the real boss of her husband and knows her irreplaceable part to help unload the burden of the unbearable responsibilities on his shoulder that keeps him working under the sun just to provide a decent life to his family.

But there’s a misinterpretation on a few that piety is mostly for those who studied Arabic to a certain level only, which is not correct; everyone becomes good-fearing by following the commandments and refraining from prohibitions. The first three characteristics of a woman above mentioned are yet important factors to a successful marriage, but that would be temporary without the presence of religious facets.

Accept the religious man; else, expect the catastrophe

The Prophet (PBUH) has likewise prescribed the specifications for an ideal husband when He has said “When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care) of one of you, then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (Fitnah) in the land and abounding discord (Fasad).” Some of us might, however, refer to this as the ones who are almost living in the mosques; those who don’t care about politics, science, and other fast-paced innovations that have remarkably changed the world into digitalized one coupled with just “one-click” features. Indeed, the most pious who are looked up to are those prophet’s companions and their followers who left indispensable significance in Politics, Science, Economy, and the likes that form a strong society. 

Be patient

Patience is virtue in Business Process Outsourcing BPO, and I have seen it myself that our patience are frequently tested of many forms: Sometimes you have to patiently review both relevant unnecessary details to make sure you can provide accurate information, and the other time you will have to quietly listen to the customer’s frustration though you know that there’s no solution for this complain because there’s no yet existing policy that can accommodate such issue to make sure you can keep both “customer retention” approach and at the same time uplift policies and standards; and many instances that patience plays tremendous role in resolving them. 

In married life, similarly or more so, we believe that surprising our spouses with presents marks it in their lives and makes them feel special regardless of the amount or value of the items wholeheartedly given. In fact, it’s not the present itself that matters; it’s the dynamics of giving that does. However, it’s just 15% or less that brings happiness to them, and the remaining 85 % are all about patience. Every time we patiently forgive and understand them, it strengthens the structural factors of togetherness spiritually and emotionally. 

Finally, it’s my undying hope that these pieces – passionately discussed about the divorce and the ideal marriage in an unconventional approach – do streamline the process on how to cure marital problems that will cause, if Allah wills to fix it, reconciliations from every misunderstanding. In fact, everyone of us dreams of CHANGE, and this is attainable only if it starts from our homes.

The Prophet said “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” Also said “The most loved people to Allah are the most beneficial to other…” in which I hope these write-ups serve the meaning of this noble Hadeeth, concluding it in the name of Islam that promotes Peace and Tranquility. Our last prayer is to thank our Almighty God for his blessings to us countlessly and for His mercy onto us despite our shortcomings every now and then. 

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